Thanksgiving in Paris - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Mac and Cheese
Welcome to On the Other Side by Robin Allison Davis! This newsletter features anecdotes, resources, musings, and more from Robin, a two-time breast cancer survivor and American expat living in Paris. Robin is navigating life not only on the other side of her cancer journey but also on the other side of the Atlantic.
Going home for Thanksgiving isn’t a thing when you live abroad. Thanksgiving, the day of gratitude with a problematic history, isn’t celebrated outside the US - the day passes without fanfare. Since 2016, I spent every Thanksgiving sitting at a desk - either at school completing my masters at the American University of Paris or in an office, working to pay the bills.
Thankfully (pun intended), I’ve been able to build a robust group of friends - friends that always lead to dinner invites. American expats love throwing Thanksgiving dinners - Friendsgivings - in their apartments. From small studio apartments to large family apartments, I could always count on at least one invite to show gratitude around a dining table (often on the weekend, as we all had to work Thursday and Friday).
But living so far from home, even in the land of gastronomy, I still craved the Thanksgiving meal I knew my family would eat around the dining room table at 3 pm.
I was never much of a cook myself, always shooed out of the kitchen while my South Carolina-born and raised grandmother and aunt handled most of the heavy lifting. I'd never made many of my favorite soul food dishes on my own - there was never a need to. So when I was invited to a Friendsgiving and one of the attendees said she’d bring her famous, family-recipe macaroni and cheese, I was excited. Mac and Cheese is a Thanksgiving essential - more important than turkey, in my opinion - and is one of my favorite dishes. I was happy that, unlike previous years, this year, I wouldn’t have to go without.
Throughout the day, she provided us with photo updates on our Whatsapp chat - two pots on the stove, one boiling bowtie pasta and the other with a white cheese sauce. The picture was a bit confusing to me, but I decided to trust the process. Everyone has their own methods, and I respect that.
Shortly before I left home for dinner, another picture came through on the chat - the farfalle pasta in the classic disposable aluminum pans, allegedly covered with the aforementioned cheese sauce. I fired off a side text to my friend. “Did you see the mac and cheese photo? I’m concerned.”
Once I saw it in person, I had every reason to be concerned. Perhaps that mac and cheese was famous in her family, but it didn’t pass my soul food test. There was no creaminess, crispy edges, and most importantly, no cheese. It was white, soupy, and didn’t resemble any macaroni and cheese I’d ever seen.
The pans on the buffet table lay largely untouched for the entirety of the night. I felt badly for her - obviously something went wrong. Maybe she picked up the wrong cheese. Maybe she added too much liquid. Maybe she forgot to season her noodles and only remembered once she was in the car, and it was too late. But I refuse to believe that it was an intentional or accurate representation of her family’s “famous” macaroni and cheese recipe.
All that aside, I still wasn’t putting it on my plate.
I enjoyed my time at the dinner, but from that day onward, I vowed to learn to cook the important dishes how I liked to save myself from Thanksgiving disappointment.
Making Thanksgiving dinner in Paris, especially when you come from a family with a soul food menu, can be part scavenger hunt, obstacle course, and creativity. Collard greens? Hard to find. Jiffy cornbread? Not available (banned in the EU!) - Learn to make cornbread from scratch. Colby Jack for the mac and cheese? Forget about it; experiment with French cheeses with the melt point you need (I use emmental as one of mine). Not to mention the expense of the holiday - you’ll spend lots of euros on the staples that are available, like 6 euro cans of Ocean Spray cranberry sauce from The Real McCoy American store.
It’s always a labor of love. In November, you can often find me hunting down ingredients and crunching numbers for the various dinners I attend. Using recipes from home, I convert ounces to liters, not to mention recipes that use imprecise measures like “a can” and a “stick” of butter.
But it’s always worth it.
Building a community- your community- is a crucial part of living so far away from family. But it also seems to be one of the most underrated. The internet is awash with Americans asking questions about moving abroad - how to get an apartment, find a job, and even find a romantic relationship - all important questions (okay, maybe not the last one). But once you’re moved into your apartment in your new country, thousands of miles from home, working in your new job (or just working remotely), you have to make friendships. And good ones.
Thanksgiving, a holiday that I never had strong feelings about in the US, has taken on much more importance in my life in Paris. It’s a time when I can be with my community and show my love with homemade food that I enjoy and grew up on.
November has been a wild ride thus far – and if I’m being honest, it’s been challenging to write this month’s newsletter (which is why it’s so late). From the unrelenting news cycle, a barrage of US news alerts popping up on my phone at 3 pm France time to the depressing 10 hours of sunlight total France received in the first two weeks of November. To top it off, Mike Tyson lost to Jake Paul. What a world.
All jokes aside, it’s been a rough month. Having a community is more important than ever. This year, I’m celebrating Thanksgiving in the US for the first time in eight years. Although I love my Paris community, it feels good to celebrate and spend time with my family. And for the first time in eight years, I know for certain that the mac and cheese will be legit.
PS - Looking for a mac and cheese recipe for this year or next? Check out my friend Reniqua Allen’s post, which includes “the best mac and cheese recipe in the world.” I’m looking forward to trying it myself!
*Author’s Note: The aforementioned bad macaroni and cheese didn’t happen at any of the pictured Thanksgivings.*
I enjoyed reading your article! I hope great aunt Lila made her sweet potato pies for you! Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving!
Cousin Barbara
I love this article! Stop by your aunt Charlene’s for the best Mac and cheese and the recipe!
Uncle Derrick