On Fear and the Month of October
Welcome to On the Other Side by Robin Allison Davis! On the Other Side is a newsletter of anecdotes, resources, musings & more from Robin, a two-time breast cancer survivor & American expat living in Paris, navigating not only life on the other side of her cancer journey but on the other side of the Atlantic.
October has always been one of my favorite months. I love horror - a trait I picked up from my mother, who has seen a remarkable number of horror films. In October, it’s not unusual to find me curled up on the couch, mug of hot chocolate in hand, reveling in a deliciously creepy movie. My heart pounding as the villain - whether a malicious spirit or axe murderer - slinks around the corner to claim their next victim, or the gasp that escapes my lips during the thrill of a jump scare- give me all of it.
Even my adopted home of Paris is getting in on the act. When I moved abroad in 2016, it was unusual to celebrate Halloween or see scary decorations hanging from Haussmanian balconies. Now, Halloween festivities are abundant - from a zombie party at Musée Quai Branly to a haunted forest at Parc de Saint Cloud.
“Spooky szn” - as the kids call it - is delightful.
That is, until October took on a whole new meaning for me.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month (known in my adopted home of France as Octobre Rose). In the US, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Breast Cancer Awareness Month started in 1985 - during a time when the disease was still taboo, an illness that women were dying of but no one discussed. The silence was killing women - there were no major campaigns to tell women to “feel it on the first (of the month)” or to do self-exams in the shower or get their mammograms. As we now know, early detection is a key factor in beating the disease - it was a key factor in my two-time breast cancer experience.
Breast Cancer Awareness Month has undoubtedly helped save many lives. It’s arguably the “flashiest” of the cancer awareness months. Pink ribbons descend on October like a flood, everywhere from the grocery store registers to NFL players wearing pink sneakers. People proudly wear pink for those who lost their lives to the disease, are still in the midst of it, or are now a thriver.
As a two-time “thriver,” you would think October would be my month to shine - a monthlong celebration of life. When, in fact, it’s the opposite. Breast Cancer Awareness Month is a month-long reminder of the worst time of my life. Each day, everywhere I turn, I’m reminded of my mastectomy, my many days and nights in pain, the trauma of my two diagnoses, the struggle to complete chemotherapy, and the constant underlying fear of recurrence that I live with.
Fear. The fear I happily embrace for “Spooky Szn” has nothing on the fear that Breast Cancer Awareness Month brings me. Real life is scarier than fiction.
So, if you don’t see me rocking pink this Breast Cancer Awareness Month - or any of them, know that I’m a work in progress. The month is necessary, and I appreciate the strides made in prevention, detection, treatment, and research. It’s surely something I have benefitted from.
If you want to show financial support, I recommend donating to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.
“I am learning to live beyond fear by living through it. And in the process, learning to turn fury and my own limitations into some more creative energy.”
― Audre Lorde, The Cancer Journals
My memoir, “Surviving Paris: A Memoir of Healing in the City of Light,” will be out in September 2025. If you’re looking for books currently available that detail the breast cancer experience, I recommend the following:
Nearly Departed: A Memoir: Adventures in Loss, Cancer, and Other Inconveniences by Gila Pfeffer
Hoda: How I Survived War Zones, Bad Hair, Cancer, and Kathie Lee by Hoda Kotb
And if you’re like me and enjoy a good scare, I recommend the following books:
How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix (So scary that I had to stop reading it at night before bed!)
The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones (Creepy, atmospheric horror)
Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (Beautifully written NYT best-seller!)
Bonus! Preorder The Cut by C.J. Dotson - I can’t wait to read this one!
If you have any horror book recommendations - drop me a line!