Home? Where's That...
Finding home when you're not sure where that is
Welcome to On the Other Side by Robin Allison Davis! This newsletter features anecdotes, resources, musings, and more from Robin, a two-time breast cancer survivor and an American expat living in Paris. Robin is navigating life not only on the other side of her cancer journey but also on the other side of the Atlantic.
First things first - Happy New Year!
If you’re reading this, we made it to 2025. May this year be better than the
last.
“There’s no place like home.”
What does home really mean? It’s something that I’ve been turning over in my head a lot.
My extended stay in the US made me confront an uncomfortable truth - one that perhaps I tried to push into the far reaches of my mind:
Paris no longer feels like home.
After eight years in the French capital, eight apartments, numerous dinner parties, and long walks on the Seine - I’m not sure it’s still the place for me.
While back home in the US, I caught up with a friend from Howard, and as we discussed our lives, she mentioned that she couldn’t imagine living anywhere but DC. After 20 years, it still feels like home, and there’s no other place for her. This makes sense—most people don’t pick up and move after years in one spot. In fact, the New York Times said that the typical American lives just 18 miles from their mother. I live nearly 4,000 miles from mine - and believe me - she complains about it frequently. She’s doing it right now as I type this.
It’s not surprising that my mind is starting to wander to other locations. After eight years in NYC, I began planning to leave and moved in year 10.
But what makes a place feel like home?
Is it the place? Having your own local “haunts” and keeping your secret list of off-the-beaten-path gems? (Sorry, people who hit me up for Paris recs, but I keep a secret list so that places won’t get oversaturated. Nothing worse than walking into a place where you don’t hear a word of French!)
Is it the people? Knowing your neighbors, bumping into friends on the street, the kind pharmacist/shopkeeper/bookseller who recognizes you from your frequent trips? The community of friends you’ve created through countless picnics, happy hours, intimate chats, and long walks on the Seine?
Is it the culture? Enjoying the local traditions like the January galette des rois, crawling under the table if you happen to be the youngest? Fitting in - and the feeling of understanding in a culture that prizes experiences over things, arts over capitalism, and travel over McMansions?
Is it the lived experiences? The hard-won fights against cancer in Parisian hospitals, watching Bastille Day fireworks steps away from the Eiffel Tower, cheering on the athletes at the 2024 Summer Olympics? Or my personal favorite, when I sang La Marseillaise (the French national anthem) in the Pantheon at my naturalization ceremony? (See my terrible video below.)
For me, home is all these things. But that doesn’t mean that home is just one place. I feel at home in the US and France, each with its drawbacks and benefits. Feeling the winter sun on my face in the US, I don’t miss Paris's gloomy skies at all.
Some people find their home by listening to that nagging voice in the back of their head – the persistent whisper that they belong elsewhere and feeling pulled to that place. It calls out to them. When I decided to move to Paris, it wasn’t an emotional decision but a practical one. I thought it was the logistical next step for me to shake up my life without turning it upside down completely. Of course, I had no idea just how different France is from the US, despite what TV made me believe.
Choosing a new place to live – a new city to make my home – is much more difficult this time around. I’m older, I have a lot to consider health-wise with my medical history, and I’d ideally want to keep the same quality of life or higher. In other ways, it’s easier as I’m an EU citizen and can move to any country in the EU without a visa – and I also speak French in addition to my middling Spanish. But leaving my hard-earned community in Paris – if I do - won’t be easy. But does home have to be forever? Or is it good enough to find a home “for now”?
I started writing this piece last week of December and am returning days later to edit. Los Angeles, one of my favorite cities worldwide, is ablaze. To write a piece on the various ideas of home, I would be remiss not to mention the LA wildfires. The fires have burned over 10,000 homes and structures and 40,000 acres of land in the Greater Los Angeles area. The death toll now sits at 24 people.
It’s easy to repeat platitudes like “Home is where the heart is,” but what does that mean when you’ve lost everything you have? For the people who had to evacuate the only homes they’ve known – and for the others, whom it was a financial hardship to do so. For many people, the only home they know is gone.
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I’d love to hear from everyone – what does home mean to you?
What to Know This Month
+ The LA wildfires could end up being one of the worst natural disasters in American history, according to Governor Gavin Newsom. Here’s a list of resources to help – use discretion when donating:
Rachel Davies compiled a list of GoFundMes for those needing help
How to Help Fire Victims (and avoid scams) via NBC News
Resources to Support Victims of the LA Fires by the LA Homeless Services Authority
What to Read This Month
+ Thinking of Moving Abroad? I like the saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.” This means you take yourself, your personality, your problems, and the entirety of yourself wherever you go. Elizabeth Ink seems to think the same way. Here’s an oldie but goodie via Substack: “Moving to Europe Won’t Fix You.”
+ Also on the theme of “home,” Karissa Chen’s debut novel, “Homeseeking,” released this month, is an epic love story spanning over 60 years. Not only is the book getting rave reviews, but I know Karissa, and she’s lovely! You can buy it here.
What to Do This Month
+ Celebrate Epiphany like the French and make a galette des rois. One of my favorite bakers, David Lebovitz, just posted his recipe.
+ January 20th is Martin Luther King Jr Day in the US – and happens to fall on inauguration day this year. Use it as a day ON and not a day off – this link from Teach For America has a list of various ways to do community service, even virtually! We don’t have MLK Day in France, but did you know there’s a park in Paris named after him? It’s one of my favorites, and there’s a restaurant at the park's opening named Coretta.
Wonderful post. „Home“ is a tricky question for me also. At the end of 2024! I decided to stop torturing myself over the question of where is my longtime home and took a new perspective: be where my feet are. Hopefully I find the answer to “home” in time.
Ne nous quitte pas !!!